remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
