I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
