If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You've changed since you got that strap on
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
