i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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