i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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