I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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