I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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