break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
