I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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