So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
