we have officially lost it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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