literally had 100 drinks last night.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
