So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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