If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
