I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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