The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
