White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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