I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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