I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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