Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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