You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
