mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
