I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
bring money and cleavage
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
