I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
