Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
