just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
