we're chasing vodka with high fives
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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