she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
