He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
