Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone came in the potted fern
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
