Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
