i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
