I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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