Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
