Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
