community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
