I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
