My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
