feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
