I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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