Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He passed out mid-signature
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
