the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
