kristin has been a bad kristin
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
