I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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