Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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