u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
