Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
