I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
