so explain again why im purple
no
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
