omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
