Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
