I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
