The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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